The Perfect V-Day Dinner For Your Hunny

This post marks the beginning of a series called “Hotel/Motel/Residence Inn: Braisin’ on Business.” It’s a spinoff to inspire all of you who are trapped in hotel rooms in rural Missouri (just me?) for the next six months and can’t deal with nightly expensed dinners at Longhorn Steakhouse when I could be picking things out of the frying pan and eating them with my hands instead. The utensils appear to be from Barbie’s Dream House so it will truly be a test of my abilities to create delicious meals with 4 days of ingredients, since I return to NYC on weekends. CHALLENGE (NOT EXTENDED BUT) ACCEPTED (NONETHELESS!)

Tonight’s recipe is a little treat from the Walgreen’s next door.

Ingredients:

Two part-skim string cheeses
1 packet of beef jerky (I went with black pepper, but use your best judgement)
Wine

1. Drink the wine. It’s Valentine’s day and you are single and just got a massage from a woman who appears to be 1,300 years old at the Massage Envy across the street and she said to “drink a lot of water (kinda like wine) because all the toxins are floating around in your body” and you told some girls on the project you would meet them at 5:15 AM for some shit called Body Pump which sounds hard, so you better be residual-drunk for it.

2. Chop up the string cheese, Saute it in a dry pan, because you don’t have anything else. Flambe it with the wine. Sprinkle with beef jerky chunks. Throw that shit out. What is wrong with you? Why did you do all of that?

3. Bring the rest of the beef jerky into bed with you, and don’t forget the little jar of complimentary Jolly Ranchers. Try to watch tv shows on illegal Chinese websites that are blocked by your company’s firewall. Oh, really McAfee? A red warning? Is that a dare? No, it isn’t. It’s not at all. Chill out.

4. Solicit recipes from friends. One-pot, two-pot, three-pot, four! No! I only have one pot! Rein it in! Please submit your recipes for easy breezy minimal ingredient cooking to us and the winner will receive treats baked by Nel & I. Nobody is going to read this far because it’s Tumblr, so if you did then submit a recipe because you’ll automatically win!

- Paulina