OLIVE GARDEN @ HOME - ZUPPA TOSCANA WITH BREADSTICKS AND SALAD

If you’re looking for a good time, I recommend making Olive Garden’s “Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks” deal at home, just to see if you can. It’s like having your own child, at home, like you see other people do! The wonders of home-brewing. Child-birthing. Whatever. Yes, you can get unlimited quantities for $5.99 at any delightful Olive Garden location.

But that’s just for a one day, just one meal.

Let’s stop thinking so short-term! Your stomach, no matter how distended it is, is going to want something at 9:15 PM. But if you want to try it at home like we did, that means you’re looking at eating this for several days. You can have your leftovers whenever you want, free of corn syrup.

Yep, that means buying a bag of American salad mix (iceberg, berg of my ice, people who act like iceberg is so devoid of nutrients also don’t eat 4 cups of spinach, which is what it would take for the alternative to be of some benefit), free-kneading homemade breadstick dough for 13 minutes, squishing Italian sausage casing innards into a hot pan, and eating the whole combo for at least 9-12 meals. You’ll never see so much butter-garlic mixture in your whole life, I swear it. That is a promise.

I don’t know what the hell Zuppa Toscana means but I am pretty sure the people in Tuscany don’t know about this version (there is half and half in this soup, guys, that is coffee enrichment). Anyway, it is really good. I’ll test out the recipe again soon so I can give you a definitive answer, and possibly a more waist-friendly one, at that.